It had not been many days, when I had to regularly travel to the
city for work.
Staying at the outskirts for nearly one and half a decade made the anticipation towards City more welcomed and gave me a sense of winning back long- lost independence, in the cycle of education
and academics.
Staying at the outskirts for nearly one and half a decade made the anticipation towards City more welcomed and gave me a sense of winning back long- lost independence, in the cycle of education
and academics.
Little
did I know that this consciousness of accomplishment was a temporary
guest.
As I stepped into my new office, awestruck by the high end architecture I was surrounded with , on an extra comfortable couch; I saw a lady who introduced herself as an HR (later), walking towards me dissolving the whole self appreciation tinge on my cheeks into her lip colour which I mostly happened to notice in the magazines tucked in the corners of a beauty parlour which had me for grooming ( read: threading and hair trimming).
So,Adjusting my Kurti, I greeted back, keenly observing her glossy hairdo, swaying left and right, while following her to the auditorium with a sense of inferiority creeping into my head.
As, I entered into the hall occupied with more of magazine looking girls, with kajal-ed eyes, perfectly manicured nails and dresses which were never a part of my closet ,that new born feeling
of worthlessness shoo-ed the happiness which peeked inside only to never enter.
As I stepped into my new office, awestruck by the high end architecture I was surrounded with , on an extra comfortable couch; I saw a lady who introduced herself as an HR (later), walking towards me dissolving the whole self appreciation tinge on my cheeks into her lip colour which I mostly happened to notice in the magazines tucked in the corners of a beauty parlour which had me for grooming ( read: threading and hair trimming).
So,Adjusting my Kurti, I greeted back, keenly observing her glossy hairdo, swaying left and right, while following her to the auditorium with a sense of inferiority creeping into my head.
As, I entered into the hall occupied with more of magazine looking girls, with kajal-ed eyes, perfectly manicured nails and dresses which were never a part of my closet ,that new born feeling
of worthlessness shoo-ed the happiness which peeked inside only to never enter.
Never did I think, that apart from fancy restaurants, multi floored
buildings and lights which would never dim, there would be something else
which imbued the city. I was slowly emptied with the self pride I once had when I landed the job. Most of the time I spent was
wondering ,how the girl who just
walked past me had that flawless skin. I started taking pleasure in overhearing those “girly”
conversations in the washroom which were about discussing mascara, the lip colour, nail-paints and whether they wax or shave.
walked past me had that flawless skin. I started taking pleasure in overhearing those “girly”
conversations in the washroom which were about discussing mascara, the lip colour, nail-paints and whether they wax or shave.
No wonder, the “ woman” in me had a slow but gradual awakening. Resulting in , spending my first salary on a face epilator
worth 4k, (as I was disgusted of my facial hair which I never noticed
before. ) 1.5K on a DE-tan facial at -lakme- to achieve that skin I envied, another thousand
bucks on moisturisers with SPF 30, face wash etc, the leftover ; buying gifts for the family.
before. ) 1.5K on a DE-tan facial at -lakme- to achieve that skin I envied, another thousand
bucks on moisturisers with SPF 30, face wash etc, the leftover ; buying gifts for the family.
Submerged in the guilt of not buying my favourite book worth 1.5k , I
wished to buy on my first salary, I promised myself the next month’s
salary won’t go in vain.
Sadly the awakening “woman” wanted to hop- dance , laugh as the days passed.
Every month, I spent my salary on clothes, footwear and cosmetics, forgetting everything which I had promised myself to read. I was more aware of whats in the trend, thanks to the washroom conversations in which I also started participating in. The ah lovely hair and wow what a shade,
was all I measured my ability to befriend new people and also the new life.
Sadly the awakening “woman” wanted to hop- dance , laugh as the days passed.
Every month, I spent my salary on clothes, footwear and cosmetics, forgetting everything which I had promised myself to read. I was more aware of whats in the trend, thanks to the washroom conversations in which I also started participating in. The ah lovely hair and wow what a shade,
was all I measured my ability to befriend new people and also the new life.
Coming home was nothing different. The little corner in my almirah I saved for extra books was now occupied with various cosmetic brands. I always carried astringent and toner with me with cotton balls. ( notice that I researched a lot what an astringent does and what a toner would).
Got my hair dyed, face waxed, feet pedicured and conscience hibernated.
Got my hair dyed, face waxed, feet pedicured and conscience hibernated.
-Worse, went on an extreme dieting plan ,until one fine day I collapsed midst a shopping ground with my mother.
"You are beautiful, always was, and always would be". said my mother, feeding me food herself (mothers are next to god) while I sat , staring at the wall in front of me, reminiscing everything I did in the last 5 months.
Teary eyed ( no the kajal did not smudge), I hugged my mom, for making me understand what I was doing to myself in few words, to fit in the world which is as temporary as a lipstick.
1 year later, I am doing what I always wanted to. Reading what I always wished for.
No, I did not stop grooming myself, if you are guessing.
The lipstick still tint my lips, I hardly step out without kajal,I take pleasure in discussing new trends
in fashion. Like a relationship which gets comfortable after a certain period crossing initial stages.
No, I did not stop grooming myself, if you are guessing.
The lipstick still tint my lips, I hardly step out without kajal,I take pleasure in discussing new trends
in fashion. Like a relationship which gets comfortable after a certain period crossing initial stages.
Now, I concentrate on eating healthy , rather than spending a fortune on extra expensive cosmetics.
Though the dressing did not see much change, but I am happy with myself and made a lot of
friends who appreciate me for who I am and sometimes what I wear as well ;) :P
Learned: You have to take some changes as the life goes forward. But, never let it change you.
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